Setting boundaries at work can feel impossible. Corporate America’s toxic work expectations and the glorification of burnout culture have made it feel that way. They undermine employee health and wellbeing.
Research into workplace stress shows the ugly truth about corporate practices:
- 83% of employees report suffering daily from work-related stress
- 76% of employees report that work-related stress negatively affects their personal relationships
- 39% of employees report workload is the leading cause of their stress
On a more positive note, behaviours are shifting. Since COVID-19, employees are demanding work-life balance. Trends like lazy girl jobs, quiet quitting, and the anti-work movement are proof. Another way people are taking back control is by setting healthy boundaries.
Let’s be honest, boundaries are hard. They can make us feel uncomfortable, like we’re hurting people’s feelings or we’re disappointing a boss. There’s also the fear of “consequences” from setting and enforcing them, like pervasive thoughts about getting fired for refusing free overtime or declining additional work.
In reality, boundaries make us stronger, more resilient. They protect us by building feelings of safety and trust. They’re important for our mental health and physical wellbeing.
Key Takeaways
- Boundaries are a set of limits and rules that define what’s acceptable behaviour to each person
- They help build trust, feelings of safety, and mutual respect
- There are 7 types, including physical and time
- It’s a good idea to create a personal boundaries list for yourself
- Be assertive and polite when communicating them, but note that you don’t have to explain yourself
- Practice setting your boundaries and enforcing them
What are boundaries
Similarly to the classic definition of a boundary (“something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent”), personal boundaries are a set of rules or limits that define what’s acceptable behaviour to each person. In nerdy terms, they’re like a forcefield that protects us from “attacks” or intrusions and can even deflect negative energy.
Boundaries come in many forms! They can be physical (i.e. do not hug me) or even time bound (i.e. my workday ends at 5 PM). Regardless of what form they take, they’re a crucial form of self-care.
Why are they important
The rules we put in place define what we find helpful versus harmful, what’s OK versus not OK (consent). They ensure that our fundamental needs are met. Otherwise, we harm ourselves for the benefit of others. We wouldn’t help someone else put their oxygen mask on first, right?
As Melissa Urban, author of The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free, so aptly put it:
“They let us engage in relationships fully and openly, knowing we’ve clearly expressed our limits and made it easier for others to respect our needs.”
Setting boundaries at work protects us by preventing burnout, stress, and anxiety. Most importantly, they build trust, safety, and respect.
Types of Boundaries
According to Betterhelp, there are seven types of boundaries that people encounter daily:
- Emotional: Relates to topics of discussion that we don’t want to broach (in place to safeguard our feelings)
- Material: Relates to money, objects, space, food, and more
- Intellectual: Relates to ideologies, beliefs, and thoughts
- Physical: Relates to our bodies or the space we occupy
- Sexual: Relates to comfort, consent, and communication regarding sex and intimacy
- Time: Relates to how we spend our time
- Relationships: Relates to how we connect with others (may encompass other boundaries like physical and emotional)
Examples of boundaries
- Emotional: I don’t like how you speak down to me
- Material: I’m not going to lend you money
- Intellectual: I’m not comfortable discussing religion or politics
- Physical: You don’t have my consent to hug me
- Sexual: I only like you as a friend
- Time: My workday ends at 5 PM
- Relationships: My Sundays are reserved for family
Building A Personal Boundaries Worksheet
Now that we know the ins and outs of boundaries, we’re ready to do some introspection. Before setting new boundaries, it’s important to evaluate the ones currently in place.
Start by writing down what you already have in place. Review them to determine what’s working and what’s not. Think about what you’re feeling in situations where they’re present. Is there discomfort or resentment in a workplace relationship with a coworker due to lax boundaries?
This step requires some uncomfortable introspection. Feelings of disappointment towards ourselves or others may arise. But that’s ok because this exercise is a building block to help manage negative emotions in the future.
Next, think about recent emotions that have risen at work. These could be positive or negative. Did you feel angry, sad, overwhelmed, uncomfortable, burnt out? What exactly made you feel that what way?
Lastly, review those emotions and determine what boundaries could be implemented to mitigate those feelings. For example, your boss asked you to join a meeting at 5 PM on Thursday right as you were closing your laptop. This is where a time-related boundary could be valuable! See above for a great example.
Communication tips
Now that you’ve discovered your most important boundaries, it’s time to communicate them. When a situation arises that pushes against your boundaries remain calm, be assertive, and be confident.
Here’s a list of pro tips to keep in mind as you navigate the workplace:
- Get comfortable with “No”: Many of us struggle with people pleasing and saying “No” can feel impossible. This is where learning to stand firm with a simple “No” can be an important growth exercise. Remember, you’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. Saying “No” is not bad, it’s a complete and valid sentence.
- It’s OK to keep it simple: “You also don’t have to explain why you are setting a boundary if you don’t want to discuss it” reminds Betterhelp.
- Don’t assume: These boundaries may be new! They've yet to be shared. People may be unaware that they exist and how their actions make you feel. This is where you politely and assertively communicate your boundaries with them.
- Stand your ground: If people ignore your boundaries, enforce them. Start by outlining the consequences, and follow through.
Here's an example of how you can stand your ground:
“Bob, I’ve told you before, I don’t like it when you touch me. If you keep doing it, we’re having a chat with HR.”
If Bob does it again, enforce the consequence. Most importantly, do what’s best for you. If that means skipping straight to an HR conversation, you do you boo.
Next Steps: Setting boundaries at work
There is no shame in setting healthy boundaries. They’re tools that protect our personal wellbeing, build resilience, and nurture trust. When setting boundaries, you know what’s best for you. Some people may not like them and that’s for them to deal with.
To get over the discomfort, practice communicating and enforcing them with people you trust. Building confidence will prepare you for tough conversations. Setting boundaries at work is crucial not only for work-life balance, but for mental and physical health.
Download our free Building Your Personal Boundaries Worksheet and start outlining what’s most important to you!
